By Abigail Brown
Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
In the past year or two, God has been and still is teaching me that He has a plan for my life. I have read Jeremiah 29:11 many times. It’s amazing to me that God has a purpose for my future. I honestly want to see the big picture the God has drawn out for me. Unfortunately I can’t. I have to trust and obey and depend on Him to see me through whatever lies ahead.
Growing up I heard the story of God raising Lazarus from the dead many times. Last year my pastor, pastor Hardy, was preaching through the book of John. When he preached John chapter 11 he preached in a way I never thought of before. The chapter is about Mary and Martha and how god allowed their brother to die so God could get the glory. And Mary and Martha told Jesus, if he had been there, Lazarus would not have died. Mary and Martha had a different expectated end in mind for their brother. I’m sure even Lazarus had a different expected end in mind as well. But, their expectations didn’t line up with what would be most glorifying to God. Jesus loved Lazarus that’s why he allowed him to die. So God could be glorified
When I heard that message it broke my heart. Because I often have to realized that my expectation don’t always line up with God’s expected end for my life. God allowed me to get misdiagnosed and trapped in this uncooperative body for His glory. He has made me weak to He can be strong through me when I depend on him. And it’s by His grace to live my life in joy.
Yet there are times when I get discouraged and I wonder what life would be like without dystonia. There would numerous things I could do. But instead God decided to give me the dystonia lemon. Sometimes dystonia can be so hard to deal with that I just want to give up. Then He reminds me of these verses, 2Cr 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Those verses, along with many others have encouraged me throughout the years. Listening to good godly Music is also another way I encourage myself.
Soon after I graduated high school and began moving on in life as a determined handicapped adult, I knew it was time for a change! First I decided to get involved in serving the lord at my church. I have often dreamed of one day teaching and influencing young girls, but sometimes doubted this would be possible because of my physical limitations. However, God promises to give us the desires of our heart, and he granted that desire for me. I have been helping in the 5th grade Sunday school class at church for three years and also have had the opportunity to teach. I love being apart of the girls lives and watching them grow spiritually. I have found that focusing on others instead of myself can be rewarding.
Another area that I wanted change was my employment status. When I get discouraged about not having a “real” job I find ways to help my mom around the house. There’s always something to do rather it’s putting away dishes or starting a load of laundry. After a period of time in my life where I had tried everything in the world to get a job, I finally had to give it all up to God and depend on him. I decided to do something I enjoyed, I started painting. God opened the door so I could start my own business. It has been an amazing journey the past few years of my life, seeing God direct and guide me through the trials I have faced. I do know this, I couldn’t live my life this way without the Grace of God.
Just recently God has blessed me with the lemon of singleness. He has been teaching me to be content where I am at in this period of life. God reminds me of a verse in Philippians 4;11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. It honestly has been rough. I have four of my friends who are getting married this summer. Yes, you heard that right, four. Obviously, I am happy for them. But, truthfully, sometimes I tend to get envious. I desire to fall in love too, just like any other woman does. I know I’m still young, but, I really wish I at least had a boyfriend.
Being content can be hard at times. You might feel trapped with trials and circumstances in your life and you may feel all alone. Can I encourage you? Don’t give up! Remember, Jesus. He was the loneliest person in the universe hanging on that cross for us. He chose to be trapped in sin so we wouldn’t be trapped in our sorrows, and sufferings and sin. May I encourage you to listen to these questions carefully. What lemons has God given you in your life? Has God allowed a trial or circumstance in your life for Him to get the glory? Are you depending God to take care of your future rather married or single? I can’t imagine what you’re facing right now but God, our Provider and Savior does. He is able to provide what you need when you need it.
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