by Stephanie Fassov, PRC-Saltillo Ambassador
The holidays can be fun! There is food, family, music, and lights. But they can also be hard. There can be lots of overwhelming noise, busy people, and intense feelings.
If you talk on your AAC system, holidays might feel extra tricky. Sometimes people talk quickly or forget to wait. Sometimes it’s hard to find a quiet and safe space to communicate on your device.
Being independent means doing things on your own. Being interdependent means helping each other and staying connected. Both are important!
During the holidays, we can do both. You can try new things and make your own choices. You can also ask for help and spend time with people who care about you.
Everyone’s voice matters, whether it's spoken, typed, or shown through symbols. Every voice should be heard and understood at the table.
You belong, just as you are.
Growing Together During the Holidays
Relational-Cultural Theory (RCT) is a big idea from the psychologist Jean Baker Miller. It teaches us that people grow best in caring relationships. We grow with others, not away from them.
That means we don’t have to do everything all by ourselves. Real growth happens when we share, connect, and care for each other.
During the holidays, it can be easy to think we have to “do it all alone.” But RCT reminds us that holidays are about belonging, joy, and being together.
If you communicate on AAC, you can join in the fun by adding holiday words to your AAC system! I personally added words like “Gingerbread,” “Bah Humbug,” “Scrooge,” and “Grinch” so I can talk with my family about holiday pop culture, Christmas movies, and jokes. You can add your favorite holiday words, too!
Growing Through Connection
Think about the people who make you feel happy and like yourself. Maybe it’s a friend, teacher, or family member. They listen, support you, and remind you that you matter. That’s what connection means, and that’s how we grow.
Sometimes, people think being independent means doing everything alone without any help. But being interdependent means we help each other. We do what we can on our own and also share care, time, and kindness.
So, this holiday season, let’s celebrate connection: helping, sharing, and growing together.
For individuals who talk on AAC systems, their partners are not just helpers; they are collaborators. What if you can speak on your AAC system to help plan the menu, direct where decorations are placed, or select the background music? When we make room for connection in these ways, everyone has a role, and everyone grows. I remember baking the pumpkin pie with my younger sister at our Grandma’s house while sharing how school was going on my speech-generating device. Also, I commented on my Grandma’s favorite holiday TV show: The Peanuts. These shared experiences bring us closer and make us feel included in the holiday festivities.
The Balance of Giving and Receiving
Here’s something to reflect on: How often do we notice our ability to receive instead of give? Families usually view us, AAC communicators, as a bag of needs rather than as whole, dynamic people. At many holidays with my family of origin, they complained that they had to cook and clean while “taking care of me.” I remember feeling nothing but a burden whenever they complained. So, every time I celebrate holidays with my own family now, I have emotional flashbacks, feeling like a burden, even though I am in a different situation currently.
Mutuality, that give-and-take of relationships, is essential to RCT. Family life can sometimes feel one-sided when one member needs extra assistance. However, we can contribute by using our AAC systems during the holidays in meaningful ways, through humor, insight, creativity, and emotional presence.
Think of a time when you felt like “too much’ during the holidays. What emotions did it make you feel? Where in your body did you feel your emotions? What were your thoughts while feeling like “too much” during the holidays?
Autonomy Within Connection
Autonomy is about having choice and voice, not about doing everything alone. For us, AAC communicators, autonomy might look like deciding when to join a conversation, how to express an opinion, or when to take a break. I remember several years ago, my uncles, who have extremely conflicting political views, arguing on Christmas. Still, by using my Accent, I calmed them down, saying that everyone’s different and multiple realities are valid.
Autonomy and connection don’t compete, but they strengthen each other.
The Power of Voice
Pause for a second and picture a typical family conversation at a holiday gathering. How fast does it move? How many people talk at once?
For us with AAC needs, conversations that move quickly can make it hard to jump in. Taking a breath, slowing down, and waiting for a response communicates something powerful: Your voice absolutely belongs here.
Personally, I have programmed “I am still typing, please wait” for when the conversations go too rapidly. You may want to add something similar to your AAC system so that you can advocate for yourself when it is hard to jump into the conversations.
Managing Expectations
Holiday gatherings often come with invisible expectations: be cheerful, be social, avoid politics and other controversial topics, do not be angry or ungrateful, and keep things light. But for most of us, that’s not always realistic.
What if we take a person-centered therapy approach, valuing unconditional positive regard, empathetic understanding, and genuineness over perfectionism, people-pleasing, and performance? If you ask for a break, it doesn’t mean the holiday is “ruined.” It means people are being honest. My cousins who are neurodivergent always take breaks during the holidays, which is wise, as they are recharging themselves.
Consider asking yourself, “What feels like too much right now?” or “What would make this easier?” These questions open the door to authentic connection, even when you feel overwhelmed and stressed while celebrating holidays.
Creating Inclusive Traditions
Traditions matter because they tell the story of who we are. But those stories should include everyone. As for my family of origin, since we are Irish Catholic, we have so many traditions. I remember the first time that I celebrated the holidays outside of the Catholic Church, which made me feel ungrounded.
Try this: instead of sticking to old routines, create new rituals that celebrate holidays by communicating on AAC systems. I started a tradition where everyone would say what one thing they feel blessed for right before Christmas dinner. If it weren’t for my AAC system, this tradition would not exist because I could not communicate it.
Inclusion means participating fully and actively in every celebration, not sitting passively on the sidelines. What is one thing that you can do to participate in the holidays?
Resilience Through Connection
When the season gets overwhelming, you may think we have to “be strong” on our own. But RCT offers an alternative message: strength comes from diversity, an inclusive environment, and connection.
Resilience grows when we know we can lean on others and still be accepted. If you feel overwhelmed and stressed during the holidays, you might want to add phrases to your AAC system, such as “I need to regulate.”
Connection is the foundation of emotional safety, and safety is where resilience begins.
Healing Relational Patterns
Think about past holidays. Were there moments when your loved one’s voice was overlooked or misunderstood? If so, they might carry what RCT calls relational images, expectations that others will dismiss them again.
This year, you can start to repair those patterns. Participate, participate, participate! Engage in the family holiday cheer! Create a playlist of your favorite holiday songs. Ask to watch your go-to holiday movies.
Inclusion, when repeated with care, becomes restoration.
Shared Empowerment and Hope
True empowerment isn’t about doing things alone; it’s about making sure everyone has what they need to contribute fully.
Advocate for yourself. Take breaks. Go to a quieter place. Connect with your loved ones. Be true. Be you. You belong here just as you are.
Glossary
AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication)
Ways to talk without using your mouth. This can be a device, pictures, typing, or signs.
AAC System
The tool or device you use to share your thoughts and feelings.
Autonomy
Being able to make your own choices and say what you want.
Belonging
Feeling like you are part of a group or family. Feeling welcome and loved.
Connection
When people care about each other and spend time together.
Emotional Regulation (Regulate)
Calming your body and feelings when you feel upset, mad, or sad.
Growth
Learning new things and becoming stronger inside and out.
Independence
Doing things by yourself. Trying new things on your own.
Interdependence
Helping each other. You help others, and they help you, too.
Mutuality
Sharing and caring both ways. Everyone gives and everyone gets.
Person-Centered Therapy
A way of talking and helping where people listen, care, and tell the truth kindly.
Relational-Cultural Theory (RCT)
An idea that says people grow best in kind and caring relationships.
Relational Images
Pictures in your mind about how people treat you. They come from what happened before.
Resilience
Being able to keep going after something hard happens. Bouncing back with help and love.
Self-Advocacy
Speaking up for yourself. Saying what you need or want.
Traditions
Special things your family or friends do every year, like baking cookies or singing songs.
Voice
How you share who you are by talking, typing, signing, or using your AAC.
Inclusion
When everyone gets to join in and be part of the fun.
Empowerment
Feeling brave and strong to make choices and be yourself.
Emotional Safety
Feeling safe to share your feelings without being scared or teased.
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